iwishsomeonehadtoldme

 Doing the right thing is so hard.  Many think doing the wrong thing is hard, but when you look at society it teaches us in many ways that the right thing is not good and the wrong thing is more beneficial.  It is self satisfying.  Well in the Game of Life when we take time to do what is right, right things come to us.  What do you choose to do in life right or wrong?  I love doing the right thing because I feel so much better; however, when I do the wrong thing I wonder about all other things that have no clue about the wrong I’ve done.  I’m trying to do right but that wrong craving steady cries for wrong doings.  

What a beautiful scene! If each of us can take a walk on the beach at least once a week we would know where peace lies. I often think of the ocean and  Miami  I truly miss home.  How often I wish I could relax by the ocean after work.  These folks just don’t understand that one does not succeed if they do it alone.  Why must we pull one another down to get up?  Why do we feel we are better than the next?  Why is it that we can’t see the forest for the trees?  Why can’t I have the ocean at my feet?

Each day I come into this class I wonder why we continue with the same routine.  We are only wasting time if these students’ parents don’t stop using the system to babysit their young.  I have tried to tell them that white america thinks it’s wonderful that they are left behind.  They will continue to increase their checks and EBT cards each year $5 and they will consider that a raise. They have no idea what their worth could be.  They only believe that if they get on the auction block of the athletic draft that they can make it in this society.  They have no real ambition to achieve anything but sneakers and white t’s. WTF is going on?  NFL and NBA will have to have remedial classes to teach their plays to this generation.

Take a pick.  Sex in a biblical since is suppose to be for multiplying.  In the world its for pleasure and filling a void.  I am trying tofigure out what is my void.  I’ve already done my share of multiplying.  So my need now is to decide how can I understand this void.  I like to make love, have sex, and fuck (my way of working out).  Yeah many of ya’ll like the latter too.  In a dream last night I had two new men. Both  seem as if they may know what to do with the touching part, but my issue in the dream was should I sleep with one or the other.  On was short like all the other men in my life and the other was a rather nice side hunk.  I sat in starbucks sipping my latte thinking what should i do.  the only thought came was do them both and see which is better.  I did the shorty first he was great he crawled from the bottom up with that soft tongue.  He did not hestiate to lick toes, ass, twot, knees, all that. Damn.  Big Boi, he was different he wasn’t a licker more of hands. he touched every part of my body. he began by rubbing my feet. massaging my back ass and neck.  He did lick the twot. and just as i was about to scream he took a tit in his mouth. My favorite. Damn, I awaken at the sound of the alarm clock.

Why are so many people dishonest in life.  We play with one another’s emotions and suffer the cosequences later.  Peep this.  My arrogant said that he has a number text him to give him up lifting words to boost his ego or to make him feel better. He really thinks that  I went for that.  He is sad. I’m sadder because I really don’t know how to handle this.  I have a difficult time because I am at the point were I say fuck him and care nothing about if his ass lives or dies.  The good part would be I would never have to hear another lie from him again.  The sad part is my sons’ father would be dead.  He does well with them as a father and very well as a provider.  We really don’t want for much, but a little attention.  What should I do?  When you read the book on this brother, lets see how he ends up.  I say this shit is catchy because two of my dear friends are dealing with leaving a man alone. It’s the hardest thing we all are experiencing.  The good part for one is she has no children attached, the other and myself do.  Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

what’s the true purpose of a blog? Is it our way of just saying things we really need to say to someone, or is it our personal therapy.  I think both.  Many people feel it difficult to talk to the opposite sex about their true feelings.  Women will tell their friends more than they will tell their mates in fear of what the mate may think of them.  We tell our freinds we want more freaky sex but we are reluctant to tell our mates.  Most men truly want a "lady in the streets and a freak in the bed".  Why can’t we tell them we are freak?  We want more kinky sex.  Why don’t we tell the men in our lives that for once we need a break from their ass or we want them to wash their ass before getting into our bed.  It has taken me about four or five years to show my true self to him. Now I say and show my true self.  Now i think he realizes that my world is my world and he may come in with our trying to rum my life. Be true to yourseld. 

I wrote this before and I about sick of this sensitive ass computer. The sad part is that I can never remeber exactly how I wrote it.  You reap what you sow is a biblical statement that many should truly implant in their hearts.  I grew up with six uncles.  One died before he married. Of these six I witnessed all with the exception of the youngest cheat on their wives. I’m sure they never thought that they were sowing seeds.  Although it was a while before I ever realized how wrong they were, the roots of those seeds that were sown began to grow deeper in me.  I often feel as if I am the plant from the seeds that were sown.  I can’t blame all on my uncles although I never witnessed my deceased father cheat my mother told me when I was a young adult that he did.  It was many years before the plant grew. I too had a part in strengthening those roots.  I met a man around the age 23 or 24 I really can’t remember, but he was married.  I never took anything from him in my twisted mind I thought that I was not taking anything from his family.  I took something more precious than physical things, I took spiritual, emotional, and honesty away from his family.  I never asked for money, dinners, gifts, or the such. I did not want to feel as if I would be taking from his child or from his family.  Twisted mind.  I could blame it on being young, but if I felt I shouldn’t take from his family, I knew I should not be with this man.  I quickly ended the relationship, HELL I barely remember his name.  But guess what,  SOMEONE else did not forget.  Many years later my plant started to grow.  I was so in love with this guy. We were friends first and then began to date and eventually fell in love.  We had a wonderful relationship although we rarely went out like most couples. We went to dinners and parties but not as much as we should have little did I know he eas engaged to someone.  When I found out it was the beginning of a new year at the advice of an older friend I did not break up with him because she new him well and felt as if he really loved me. She told me to let him break up with me.  Good Idea. You reap what you so.The roots began to take action.  I gave him time; we began to hurt together.  I was so hurt that I actually cried on the street as he told me some of the instances were friends had seen him at his cousin’s  wedding with her and other places.  I tried to hold on; I did well,but the roots were deep. I met another guy younger and he wanted to do things. I told the other guy he did not make me happy.  I then broke his heart so bad that he actually asked me to marry him. I should have taken him up on his offer. I began to cheat on him.  I never told him and he only knows that I began dating him after our break up.  You reap what up sow.  To make along story short I found out he was cheating on me too.  My roots had grown deep, I met some one else and did not break up with him not just yet.  It’s funny today, but i was worse than the men I dated.  They say oppisites attrack I beg to differ.  Many years later I began to see my plant grow vines and leaves.  I married and I be damned if my familiy’s plant had not grow so beautifully.  The plant began get too much water from my husband and wither away.  I did not do what I would have normally done.  This time instead of finding a man to replace him, I found the MAN to replaced him.  HE saved many lives. I wanted to kill my husband and sometimes if it wasn’t from my son (I thought about only for one second reality came in quickly) I would think I would have clicked on myself. After the divorce, my roots got nourishment from somerwhere and when we got back together, my roots began to be stronger again.  SAD, I really need to kill this plant.  So those of you who read this remember "You Reap What You So."

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